Wednesday afternoon, Wayne gave me a kiss on the cheek and a big hug.

"The little one is all grown up!"

"You did great," said Aaron as he shooed us out for his next meeting. "Go ring the bell."

It was past 5:30 when I left Aaron's office and the campus was quiet and a little chilly. Knots in my belly and in my throat, but with a contented smile on my lips, I passed a couple of people hanging out outside the library. No big group was waiting to cheer. Of all the things on my mind, planning a whole bell ringing just seemed unimportant. I walked over to the bell and unceremoniously rang myself division free.

I smiled. The two people outside the library seemed taken off-guard by the bell but they smiled to me as I passed by again. I put on my sunglasses and took another swig of beer.

Last night, the rabbi asked if I feel liberated.

I don't.

Right now, I'm sad. All things considered, I've got about the lowest-stress graduation possible. I have a summer job in DC and I leave for Israel on July 3rd. When I get there, I have my partner, a house, awesome roommates, friends, and a job waiting for me. I'm going back to my life in Jaffa. But right now, I'm thinking about how I've seen my last Massachusetts winter in who knows how long. Amherst has been my home for the past four years, and in some ways I wish I'd become more of a disgruntled Div III, sick of Hampshire and itching to leave. Aaron told me once that he had a student who took an extra semester to finish his Div III because "he just didn't get sick of it." I'm still not sick of my Div III.

How can I reflect on my four years here? I think I ate away at the experience like a starving woman. I accomplished everything I wanted. I'm a much different person than when I started and I'm really sad to be leaving soon. Western Massachusetts is like a picture book, and Hampshire was my dream for so long. I have so many exciting things in my future, but leaving here feels like breaking up with a long-time lover for no good reason besides the earth's made it around the sun four times.

So college is over and Div Free hasn't felt that free yet. The terms of my life are changing so fast, and I feel like I'm being thrown in head first. I can do it--I know I'm going to be fine. But saying goodbye to my friends, to Hampshire, to Massachusetts...it's just not the part I'm looking forward to.

S

PS- There will be one more opportunity to see a reading of my new play, Storms in Jaffa, either the 15th or 16th of May. I will post when I have more details.